so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
