You're completely useless in the revolution.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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