I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
