Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
