my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
