You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
