Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
