There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
