Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
