ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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