Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Success! We fucked roommates!
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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