Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize