But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
