i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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