yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
