Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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