actually, I'm a sock model
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Randomize
