ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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