Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
