I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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