I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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