I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
