just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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