I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
