Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
