I'm drive I can fine osifer
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
