You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
