i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
