I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
