I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
