This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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