We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
