I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
