if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
