lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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