If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
