He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
