"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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