its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
