she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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