Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
