This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
