Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
