the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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