My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I want to fling myself into the sun
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
How naked do you want me to be?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
