You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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