I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
