i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize