took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
