the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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