he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
