I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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