Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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