there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize