i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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