I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
