we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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