and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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