He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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