the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
