This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I think your dad took our porno
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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