Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Come share oat with me in your robe
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
